Wow. Where do I start? I may be in the midst of the biggest fail I have ever had in my life. And everything that I have believed was to be the direction of the rest of my life is now being called into question. 

You see, I sold my successful 20 year nursing business just over two years ago and have been developing the idea that is now CO-Inspire since then. I have spent 10s of thousands of dollars on training, branding, marketing, etc. It has cost me lots of time and effort. I eat, drink, and sleep this dream I’ve had (Okay, so I don’t really sleep anymore, at least not lately). And it appears that it may already be coming to an end.

I have most recently focussed my efforts on a Retreat I’m giving in August, even risking a committment to payment for a facility whether I was able to fill it or not. I was so sure people would want to come hear what I had to say (It seems pretty presumptuous now). I mean, I had done several smaller events with really good results and great evaluations. But alas, I’m less than 2 months from the event, and only a handful of people have registered. Not even close to breaking even.

In other words, it appears all the time, money, blood, sweat, and tears I have devoted to this to for the past 2+ years is going to fail…big time. And I’m at a loss about what my future holds. Have any of you ever been in this situation? 

I have read lots about these types of circumstances, and even have taught these concepts at my events. Now that I think about it, it seems every highly successful person has failed in a big way. Some have lost everything multiple times only to come back stronger. I even remember someone saying that the people who fail the most are the most successful, because they never give up.

This would be my first time failing on this level. And it is not a pleasant experience. I feel like giving up. I feel like I’ve let everyone down, esp. those who are most important to me. I feel like a failure. Like I said, right now, I’m not sure what my future holds.

But I do know Who holds my future.

I’m reminded right now of Psalm 42. Some of the lines that stick out to me today are:

“My tears have been my food day and night…”

“I say to God, my rock: Why have you forgotten me?”

“As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say all day long, ‘Where is your God?'” (My adversaries today are my thoughts)

David felt like everything was falling down around him. But twice in this Psalm, he shows that his hope is on what he knew:

Why are you cast down, O my soul, 
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
It is on this that I must put my hope and my future. For there is no other hope except in the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth. For with Him, all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). 
So, while I may have failed, I am not a failure. Failure is an event. It is not a person. Yesterday ended and today is a new day with more opportunity and potential for success. For my hope is in the Lord. He holds my days in His hands. And when there is hope in the future, there is power to live in the present.
Whatever God has in store for me will be for His glory and for my benefit. God is good, all the time.